sâmbătă, 30 august 2014

The dawning of a new day.

Life doesn't make us feel alive.
I've never felt so alive, so carefree. I've never allowed myself to taste freedom. I've been writing about it for ages without even knowing how it feels. I've always been that obedient, frightened, silly little girl. But it's time to grow up. 
My life used to be a cage until now. I realised I was just existing, and not living. Life is what you make it. I've accepted mine as something I was forbidden to reject. So I just floated on its surface, reconciled with the idea of never exploring its depth. Reconciled with the idea of never knowing on my skin how wonderful can the seabed be.  I've always imagined myself doing random things,getting drunk, having fun, living my life. Now, in this right moment, I decided to make it real.
I'm almost 20 and I can't say that I remember much. I finished high school without even noticing. The time passed unnoticeably. Just like my life. I've spent these 19 and a half years by doing nothing but whining, criticising, daydreaming and living in the past. It's time for me to rise and shine. As I like to say, it's never too late; it's just the wrong time. 
 Remember when I said that every challenge comes with a lesson? That's mine. It might sound mainstream, but you must live your life as intense as you can. I wrecked the walls of my so-called life and I decided to be free. To live. I need everybody to know that I will never be their pet again. I'm never gonna be their second choice. I'll never keep my mouth shut again. I'll make myself heard. In the end, I'll suffer all the consequences, but I'll simply know it's worth. 
As the sun rises, so will I. 

joi, 28 august 2014

Till the end of time.

What does love mean? I've been writing a lot these days, and even if I'm only deepening my thoughts, it makes me feel better. Maybe it shouldn't.
It's never easy. The best things in life are the ones you have to fight for. The best things in life are always difficult to achieve, but impossible to forget. The best things in life are the ones that teach you valuable lessons. You are the best thing in my life.
I decided to free my mind and open your eyes. What does love mean to you? I've never been asked that question, but I wanted to see if I can find an appropriate answer.
I've never wanted a traditional love. I've always wanted to feel it as deep as possible, to asphyxiate with your absence and cut my wrists with your indifference. Why? Because I used to think that in the end, the one who suffers the most will be the happiest. Unfortunately, that never worked for me. Seems like in time I became masochistic. I could just drown in my own tears and you wouldn't even make a move. I love you. Love means sacrificing yourself for your special one. And if so, I accept. I'm tired of being selfish. Maybe that's why I'm never happy. Only you can make me happy. By letting me make you happy.
Why is it so hard to find my words? It never happened before. It's so hard to explain how I feel. I'm burning. I'm falling. I'm suffocating. I'm trembling. I'm dying... The world would be so sad without you by my side. My skies would always be cloudy. My clouds would always be grey. My sun would never show its face again. My world would't be mine anymore... because you are my world.
Why can't you see into my soul? Everything happens with a reason. Every disappointment comes with a lesson. Every lesson has its price... I've paid for mine far too much. But once and for all, I've learnt to live every second ready to fight for the most insignificant wish. I've learnt not to take things for granted. I've learnt to fight for my everything.
If two past lovers can remain friends it's either they are still in love or never were.
The only thing I will always know for sure is that I LOVE YOU. Till the end of time, remember? The moment I will give up on you is the moment I will leave this world.
I've learnt that you are my everything.

miercuri, 27 august 2014

Freedom.

Do you ever feel like your life is played after a certain script? I might be crazy but... Oh, wait...I am crazy. Anyway, that's not an excuse. What if something up above is just playing Sims? What if we are just well-defined characters in a huge game?
Do you believe in free will? Do you believe in coincidences? Half of the people I met have an average thinking. ( If you are one of my acquaintances you must question yourself a bit, eh? ) They would never be able to think further than these boundaries. We think what we are indoctrinated to think. We act just like our ancestors, without questioning ourselves. Is there anything original in this Universe?
I might have an answer. Nothing is original, nothing is new, as long as these things have already been planned before. Maybe even I was supposed to think all these nonsenses. Maybe even you were supposed to read them, either deepen my ideas or think that I was high. Someone said that you give this Universe something special, something original by your simple presence... Is that credible?
Why are we doomed to repeat our mistakes? Why are we doomed to end our own circles? Why are our lives like circles? Like circles in sand... There always comes the tide and makes them disappear...And in the end, what have we gained?
I strongly believe there is no such thing as free will. Or maybe that's just an excuse for me to feel comfortable in my miserable life. It's so easy to blame the others, isn't it? If there existed free will, we wouldn't have been so weak, so fragile, so sensitive... We would've been able to do such great things...
But yet we are stuck in our own cages called lives, thanking so-called "Gods" for letting us live in this misery. For making us obedient, easy to please. For imposing boundaries. For prohibiting the access to superior knowledge. For letting the others call their little mistakes which dare to think further and look for the unknown "crazy".
How I wish I was truly crazy. In the end, only those people are the happiest, because they are able to see beyond the stereotypes. Because it's them who are truly free. Free from Gods' prohibitions. Free from Gods' will. Free to be original. Free to be themselves.

sâmbătă, 23 august 2014

It means everything.

Summer is almost gone, indeed; but autumn is coming. New feelings are about to come as well. However, the one that overcomes them all is insanely struggling inside me.
I used to ask myself why do we need such challenges in our lives. Not so long ago, I found out why. We need to be tested. We need to know if we deserve what we have. We need to be able to protect what we think it's the most important. We need to grow up, to learn from our own mistakes. We must use them as stairs and aim higher instead of letting them bring us down.
I wasn't able to do all these things... I was blind. I couldn't see the challenge coming, as I wasn't ready to fight with my ghosts as well. It was me who let them in, as it was me who let them stay, slowly feeding from my fears and my insecurities. I was possessed by the same demons who destroyed me so many times, the same demons which I thought I'd never be able to chase away.
But I did. Better later than never. Remember, it's just the wrong time. Where there is light, there is always hope.
I was half-alive as well. I've never changed the way I looked at you. Not even now. It will last forever, I know it. We flowed like rivers through the tightest mountain streams, only to end back together in wild waterfalls.
Always remember, a single match can light up the whole room.